Well, it's that time again...but not here and not now.
It'll be my hiding place...my writing will be my comfort and my solitude.
To have a written voice should suffice - just for me, for once.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
If I sit in my emptiness, will You reassure me of your presence?
If I weep in sorrow, will You relieve my pain?
If I laugh in pretense, will You see through my pain?
If I stare into oblivion, will You guard my mind?
If I give up hope, will You impel my heart to live?
If I wallow in my hopelessness, will You surrender me?
If I stagger in my walk, will you withdraw Your calling?
If I live in my deception, will you wrench my heart?
Are You there? ………Are You here?
Still in agony... but I'll wait.
In Your strength, I'll wait.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Life has been cruel to me.... hmm, or should I say God?
Since my car accident last Sunday, the thought of my existance has been boggling me.
I knowwww... it was just an accident! But if not for my insurance, I would have had to fork out RM4K or more through my nose for the 3rd party's damage. Mine would probably cost another RM1.5K.
Never in my life have I felt that God had abandoned me to rot for no good reason. It hurt... BAD.
The DAMAGE: Dented bonnet, tilted bumper & 1x broken light
Next day (Monday), I had to take the day off to lodge a police report at State PJ which seems to mostly service road accidents. I kena scolded by some macho Malay officer for requesting for Lionel to come into the 'confession' booth with me... (it had to be the sternest looking guy in the the room!). Thing is... i neglected to see a sign placed outside the room stating that only those involved in the accident. Anyway, I thought Lionel was sorta indirectly involved in the accident so I asked for him to come in and teman me... not to my surprise, I got 'bam-boo-ed' like an idiot. The police office was asking me if I wanted to sit at his place la... said no one gave Lionel permission to enter and why I asked him to come in la... My heart was already aching for the cost of the damage and then God sent me such a 'kind' officer to handle my case. So whatever la...
After the rediculously embarrassing and horrible ordeal, Lionel brought me for sushi :) - HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY
Later in the evening, my dad asked me to photocopy my driving license for submission to the insurance agent on Tues morn. When I was at the shop, I realized that my license was not with me...nor was my I/C. I must've left it with that mean ol' police officer. My heart sank even deeper that day. I mean, not to justify my memory loss which all of you can attest to but I was already so intimidated by this 'En. S' that I just took whatever he gave me and quickly went to pay my summon. I prayed and prayed for it to be there.
Lionel then drove me to the police station again to check if it was there... but the police officers said it wasn't and told me to come by again the next morning to check with the relevant officers whom I liaised with earlier. Can you imagine how distraught I was??? VERY. It was very difficult for me to tell my dad since he's already upset over the car. But I had no choice but to face the music... which was horrible *bleagh* Do you know how it feels to disappoint your parents within such a short time span? Dreadful.
I couldn't sleep very well last nite, thinking about the 'what ifs' so I got up from bed to research on the processes of I/C and driving license renewals....you know...in case they really cannot find them. And that night, I prayed and prayed and finally, I felt the Holy Spirit saying "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path".
This morning, my mum drove me to the police station and it was no surprise, they said they couldn't find it and assured me that I must have misplaced it somewhere. I don't think my heart could sink any deeper. How am I going to do my insurance claim if I don't have those documents!!! My dad would kill me!!! So I politely requested for the police officers from the various departments to check thoroughly if my documents were with them. I mean, it wasn't like I hoping for them to ransack their office... just to look into their drawers, scatter some papers on their tables, check the lost & found area! I'd be satisfied with that....but noooo.... they had to rub it in and say irrelevant things like "u ni ah moi yang takut En. S tu kan? ahh...semalam u tak lawar...hari ni lawar pulak! U pakai macam ini cantik la..." *blink*blink*blink*blink* And they were all joking... It was so infuriating cos I NEED MY DOCUMENTS!@#!@$@#$#@$@# I was seriously about to get a major breakdown at that point....seriously. But thankfully, this particular police officer, En J, just told me "kan dah kata takde, moi... U bagi I u punya nombor talipon. Nanti bila En. S balik, saya tanya dia la". I was told that En. S would only come back to work on Thursday. GRrrRRrrr...
Next thing to do it lodge a police report on my lost I/C and license at that exact same police station. Even the police officer who helped me on my report was surprised and shook his head. WATTADOOOOO.....
After that, we went to Jabatan Penerangan Malaysia (JPN) to do my I/C which probably took about 30-45mins and RM50 for my renewal (temporary I/C...can only collect the new MyKad in 10days). After that, we went to Jabatan Pengangkutan Malaysia (JPJ) to do my driving license which took 15mins or so. Sigh... Unfortunately, I can't use the new driving license for my insurance claims submission cos the police report was based on the old number & validity period. So, I was told to go to the JPJ HQ at Padang Jawa (Shah Alam) to get a report on my old license information.
When we were about to arrive at the JPJ HQ, I received a phone call - it was from the police officer, En. J. The phone conversation went a lil like this "Cik Heah, kita sudah jumpa u punya I/C dan lesen. U mau datang ambil bila?" .... I was stoned.... *blink*blink*blink*blink* I wanted to say many things but I think the only words that came out were, "Nanti saya datang kutip" *DEEP SIGH*
We turned around, collected everything and I thanked En. J for getting my documents for me although it wasn't him who was handling my case. It was En. S - that mean ol' pork face.
Incidentally, he came back to the police station and as I walked out after thanking En. J, he shouted "Eleh...sombongnya dia...tak ucap terima kasih kepada saya pun!"... I actually turned around to ucap...but within a split second, I told myself to turn back and walk on. Why? Cos it was him who was keeping my documents and he was the reason why I had to waste petrol, valuable time and RM72 to re-do my documents.
I just smiled and walked away - HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY.
So God, if You're listening still... which You mostly likely are.... I've had a really bad week. Pleaseeeee give me a break!!! :(
Since my car accident last Sunday, the thought of my existance has been boggling me.
I knowwww... it was just an accident! But if not for my insurance, I would have had to fork out RM4K or more through my nose for the 3rd party's damage. Mine would probably cost another RM1.5K.
Never in my life have I felt that God had abandoned me to rot for no good reason. It hurt... BAD.
The DAMAGE: Dented bonnet, tilted bumper & 1x broken lightNext day (Monday), I had to take the day off to lodge a police report at State PJ which seems to mostly service road accidents. I kena scolded by some macho Malay officer for requesting for Lionel to come into the 'confession' booth with me... (it had to be the sternest looking guy in the the room!). Thing is... i neglected to see a sign placed outside the room stating that only those involved in the accident. Anyway, I thought Lionel was sorta indirectly involved in the accident so I asked for him to come in and teman me... not to my surprise, I got 'bam-boo-ed' like an idiot. The police office was asking me if I wanted to sit at his place la... said no one gave Lionel permission to enter and why I asked him to come in la... My heart was already aching for the cost of the damage and then God sent me such a 'kind' officer to handle my case. So whatever la...
After the rediculously embarrassing and horrible ordeal, Lionel brought me for sushi :) - HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY
Later in the evening, my dad asked me to photocopy my driving license for submission to the insurance agent on Tues morn. When I was at the shop, I realized that my license was not with me...nor was my I/C. I must've left it with that mean ol' police officer. My heart sank even deeper that day. I mean, not to justify my memory loss which all of you can attest to but I was already so intimidated by this 'En. S' that I just took whatever he gave me and quickly went to pay my summon. I prayed and prayed for it to be there.
Lionel then drove me to the police station again to check if it was there... but the police officers said it wasn't and told me to come by again the next morning to check with the relevant officers whom I liaised with earlier. Can you imagine how distraught I was??? VERY. It was very difficult for me to tell my dad since he's already upset over the car. But I had no choice but to face the music... which was horrible *bleagh* Do you know how it feels to disappoint your parents within such a short time span? Dreadful.
I couldn't sleep very well last nite, thinking about the 'what ifs' so I got up from bed to research on the processes of I/C and driving license renewals....you know...in case they really cannot find them. And that night, I prayed and prayed and finally, I felt the Holy Spirit saying "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path".
This morning, my mum drove me to the police station and it was no surprise, they said they couldn't find it and assured me that I must have misplaced it somewhere. I don't think my heart could sink any deeper. How am I going to do my insurance claim if I don't have those documents!!! My dad would kill me!!! So I politely requested for the police officers from the various departments to check thoroughly if my documents were with them. I mean, it wasn't like I hoping for them to ransack their office... just to look into their drawers, scatter some papers on their tables, check the lost & found area! I'd be satisfied with that....but noooo.... they had to rub it in and say irrelevant things like "u ni ah moi yang takut En. S tu kan? ahh...semalam u tak lawar...hari ni lawar pulak! U pakai macam ini cantik la..." *blink*blink*blink*blink* And they were all joking... It was so infuriating cos I NEED MY DOCUMENTS!@#!@$@#$#@$@# I was seriously about to get a major breakdown at that point....seriously. But thankfully, this particular police officer, En J, just told me "kan dah kata takde, moi... U bagi I u punya nombor talipon. Nanti bila En. S balik, saya tanya dia la". I was told that En. S would only come back to work on Thursday. GRrrRRrrr...
Next thing to do it lodge a police report on my lost I/C and license at that exact same police station. Even the police officer who helped me on my report was surprised and shook his head. WATTADOOOOO.....
After that, we went to Jabatan Penerangan Malaysia (JPN) to do my I/C which probably took about 30-45mins and RM50 for my renewal (temporary I/C...can only collect the new MyKad in 10days). After that, we went to Jabatan Pengangkutan Malaysia (JPJ) to do my driving license which took 15mins or so. Sigh... Unfortunately, I can't use the new driving license for my insurance claims submission cos the police report was based on the old number & validity period. So, I was told to go to the JPJ HQ at Padang Jawa (Shah Alam) to get a report on my old license information.
When we were about to arrive at the JPJ HQ, I received a phone call - it was from the police officer, En. J. The phone conversation went a lil like this "Cik Heah, kita sudah jumpa u punya I/C dan lesen. U mau datang ambil bila?" .... I was stoned.... *blink*blink*blink*blink* I wanted to say many things but I think the only words that came out were, "Nanti saya datang kutip" *DEEP SIGH*
We turned around, collected everything and I thanked En. J for getting my documents for me although it wasn't him who was handling my case. It was En. S - that mean ol' pork face.
Incidentally, he came back to the police station and as I walked out after thanking En. J, he shouted "Eleh...sombongnya dia...tak ucap terima kasih kepada saya pun!"... I actually turned around to ucap...but within a split second, I told myself to turn back and walk on. Why? Cos it was him who was keeping my documents and he was the reason why I had to waste petrol, valuable time and RM72 to re-do my documents.
I just smiled and walked away - HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY.
So God, if You're listening still... which You mostly likely are.... I've had a really bad week. Pleaseeeee give me a break!!! :(
Monday, February 12, 2007
I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry It In My Heart)
On yet another droning Sunday night, I plonked myself on the living room sofa (on my mum's tummy...hehehe...) and glued my eyes on whatever channel is on... CINEMAX.
and we watched 'In Her Shoes'... a movie which I had earlier labelled as BORING.
I was right. It was indeed slow...but what the hoo... I enjoyed the feeling of being able to rest my head against my mum's bubbly belly (*tsk tsk tsk*)... just like the old days...
Anyhoo, it's about the love and conflict between two very different sisters yet they had a strong bond with one another (Cameron Diaz & Toni Collette). The older, mature sister (TC) who's constantly looking out for the younger sluttier one (CD). One fine day, they fought and went their separate ways. Strangely enough, they missed each other dearly but were just to proud to admit it...etc etc etc... They reconciled in the end but the fact that the dyslexic sister (played by CD) learned to read a poem at her sister's wedding (before the couple exchanged their vows) added all the power to the ending!
I cried more than I did for my korean drama series...it was so moving!
_____________________________
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
....
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Poem By E.E Cummings
_______________________________________
*meltssss**smiles*
Dedicated to all the lovey-dovies out there celebrating Valentine's Day!
Friday, February 09, 2007
The Black Dot & The Calling
The Black DotLately, I've just been looking back on some things in the past...
A couple of years back (or I'd like to think so...), when I was still in Royal Rangers, our commander illustrated something. She took out a blank piece of white A4 paper and later, used a black marker to draw a dot in the center of this paper.
Then she asked us, "What do you see?"
And I was wondering if was a trick question but I said anyway, "Black dot lor..."
But she told us to look closer and we looked closer and all we saw was just a BLACK DOT!!
Then she asked us this - Human beings are all like this piece of white paper. Question is why do we constantly MAGNIFY the small issues or bad habits in another person and so oblivious to see the wider aspect 'white area'... So simple moral and we take it for granted.
At many instances, I tend to jump into conclusions based on current situations and fail to see the better side of a person or the potential in a person. And there are times when I give people the benefit of the doubt and they continue to disappoint us. So how??
I can only ask for God's grace - to see them through His eyes.
And constantly & consciously point out to myself - who am I to judge anyone.
Crap! You know what God just said? - "Hold on! You'll be tested soon enough...."
Oh God, TEEM KAI???
The Calling
Another lesson from KLTI on Jonah -
We can be doing right things....but is it right?
Is what we are doing God's call?
Coincidentally, I've been thinking about the Junior Church Ministry and whether or not it is God's call for me to be in it.
And I've known it but I've never said it - It's not.
It would be something I can do but I know for sure it isn't what He wants me to do.
I'm still praying about what it is since it's just an inkling...
But I know it's not something I can run away from....which He reminded me in this week's lesson on Jonah.
How can you not be amazed at how He pieces everything together *sighssss*
YOU ARE AMAZING!!! XD
A couple of years back (or I'd like to think so...), when I was still in Royal Rangers, our commander illustrated something. She took out a blank piece of white A4 paper and later, used a black marker to draw a dot in the center of this paper.
Then she asked us, "What do you see?"
And I was wondering if was a trick question but I said anyway, "Black dot lor..."
But she told us to look closer and we looked closer and all we saw was just a BLACK DOT!!
Then she asked us this - Human beings are all like this piece of white paper. Question is why do we constantly MAGNIFY the small issues or bad habits in another person and so oblivious to see the wider aspect 'white area'... So simple moral and we take it for granted.
At many instances, I tend to jump into conclusions based on current situations and fail to see the better side of a person or the potential in a person. And there are times when I give people the benefit of the doubt and they continue to disappoint us. So how??
I can only ask for God's grace - to see them through His eyes.
And constantly & consciously point out to myself - who am I to judge anyone.
Crap! You know what God just said? - "Hold on! You'll be tested soon enough...."
Oh God, TEEM KAI???
The Calling
Another lesson from KLTI on Jonah -
We can be doing right things....but is it right?
Is what we are doing God's call?
Coincidentally, I've been thinking about the Junior Church Ministry and whether or not it is God's call for me to be in it.
And I've known it but I've never said it - It's not.
It would be something I can do but I know for sure it isn't what He wants me to do.
I'm still praying about what it is since it's just an inkling...
But I know it's not something I can run away from....which He reminded me in this week's lesson on Jonah.
How can you not be amazed at how He pieces everything together *sighssss*
YOU ARE AMAZING!!! XD
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I just heard this song after the longest time....!!! But the one I'm hearing now is the acoustic version...absolutely love it!
Walking After You - Foo Fighters
Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back (3x)
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you (2x)
If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more
Weren't you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back (3x)
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you (2x)
Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back (3x)
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you (x3)
Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back
Things just wont do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back (3x)
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you (x3)
Sunday, October 22, 2006
the not-so-much-biz-trip
Here are some pics from the island of Pee-Nen (Penang) when I was on a biz trip in August'06.
These oily, high-cholesterol goodies were initially the highlight of my trip! Don't they look absolutely delicious??!! You can find it along Lorong Selamat where you will notice some hawker stalls by the side of the road. And for this stall particularly, they require you to queue to place an order, wait & collect it to your table - yes, SELF SERVICE UNDER THE BLISTERING SUN!!
It was so good that we repeated & endured that ordeal twice!! And again the next day! Hehehe... YUMSSSSS!!! And not to mention that the prawns are HUMUNGOUS!
3 pix of the indigo walls:- Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion
We were also recommended to go to the Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion which is by far, the BEST local tour I've been to. They only limit to 2 tours everyday around the mansion and believe me, it is soooo worth every penny! It's not AT ALL boring... the tour conducter speaks very eloquently & she's the most excited tour conducter I've ever seen. I mean, she conducts these tours every single day and she's still so excited to explain the historic details of every room in the mansion! It was just an amazing experience!
The next 5 pics are from the Khoo Clan a.k.a Khoo Kongsi in Penang. Believe me, I felt as if I was on holiday instead of biz. My meetings were only in the mornings and after which, we'd rush off to sightsee! I love these historical places with these intricate details! Each historical place we went to had so much significance. I LOVE PENANG!!! The only thing I don't like about Penang are their roads! TAU-HEEN ahh!! Be careful when you travel to this part of the country - the streets are ONE-WAY!! Thank God we had a map... :)
Road trip, anyone? Hehehe...
These oily, high-cholesterol goodies were initially the highlight of my trip! Don't they look absolutely delicious??!! You can find it along Lorong Selamat where you will notice some hawker stalls by the side of the road. And for this stall particularly, they require you to queue to place an order, wait & collect it to your table - yes, SELF SERVICE UNDER THE BLISTERING SUN!!
It was so good that we repeated & endured that ordeal twice!! And again the next day! Hehehe... YUMSSSSS!!! And not to mention that the prawns are HUMUNGOUS!
3 pix of the indigo walls:- Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion
We were also recommended to go to the Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion which is by far, the BEST local tour I've been to. They only limit to 2 tours everyday around the mansion and believe me, it is soooo worth every penny! It's not AT ALL boring... the tour conducter speaks very eloquently & she's the most excited tour conducter I've ever seen. I mean, she conducts these tours every single day and she's still so excited to explain the historic details of every room in the mansion! It was just an amazing experience!
The next 5 pics are from the Khoo Clan a.k.a Khoo Kongsi in Penang. Believe me, I felt as if I was on holiday instead of biz. My meetings were only in the mornings and after which, we'd rush off to sightsee! I love these historical places with these intricate details! Each historical place we went to had so much significance. I LOVE PENANG!!! The only thing I don't like about Penang are their roads! TAU-HEEN ahh!! Be careful when you travel to this part of the country - the streets are ONE-WAY!! Thank God we had a map... :)
Road trip, anyone? Hehehe...
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